…slowly begins to see people and the world around him differently than he used to. Situations, moments…things that were once innocent have become twisted through the muddled lens of a new consciousness now taking root in his mind, a mind now filled with the kinds of thoughts toward women and girls previously reserved for shameful moments of weakness and impropriety, all of it born frame by frame through the ceaseless conditioning of his addiction.
A man addicted to pornography has grown increasingly desensitized to violence, depravity, disrespect and salacious behavior, for his mind is regularly feeding upon these toxic pills, like a clutch of poison slowly consuming the conscience.
A man addicted to pornography cannot offer a woman genuine intimacy, because the very concept of intimacy has slipped beyond reach, expelled from his demeanor and replaced with notions of sexual gratification as the sole outcome and purpose of closeness.
A man addicted to pornography has probably seen (or most likely will see) things too grotesque to put into words, images that will stay with him, probably…forever. Even if he does not seek them out the patterns of his addiction make it proximally inevitable that he will stumble into them, eventually. The longer he feeds the addiction the more likely he is to begin seeking them out.
A man addicted to pornography cannot credibly claim to respect any woman for his mind is set on filling itself with images of humiliation, degradation and abuse against women. Assertions about pornography’s incorporation of consent and gender equality are thin lies, masking a reality of manipulation, coercion and dominance. A man who feeds on it instinctively knows this.
A man addicted to pornography probably tries to convince himself that it isn’t an addiction; he is merely fulfilling a natural inclination normal for all men. Perhaps the inclination is normal…but the content he ingests falls gradually away (sometimes rapidly away) from the bounds of normal human sexuality the further he descends the dark downward spiraling path of this world.
A man addicted to pornography, especially if he is young, probably does not understand the concept of romance. To him, it is nothing more than a quaint notion, tarnished and suffocated by a kind of empty sexuality far removed from the beautiful gift of real romance. Pornography does not understand such a silly gesture, only methods of luring and manipulating its victims into hollow acts of emptiness…so that others may share in it.
A man addicted to pornography is losing his hold on what it really means to Make Love to a woman – if he ever had it to begin with. The very concept is becoming as foreign to him as things like self-control, gentleness or innocence.
A man addicted to pornography probably pretends that his addiction is normal; he may even joke and talk about it among friends in an effort to gain affirmation from like-minded others. But this is just a way of rationalizing his addiction in an attempt to feel normal. Sadly, consumption of pornography is common, but by no means a path toward emotional health or inner peace… …and it will begin to change him.
A man addicted to pornography may hide it well, but no man can hide from his own conscience, just as no man can deter the damage this addiction will cause to his mind, health and relationships.
A man addicted to pornography cannot love in a meaningful way, because everything about his addiction violates and destroys the very essence of what it means to love tenderly…a wife, a girlfriend, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend.
A man addicted to pornography knows deep down inside his addiction is wrong. If he is even faintly introspective he knows that it is also slowly and deeply eroding his humanity.
A man addicted to pornography may genuinely want to break his addiction but he faces fear and obstacles, such as having it revealed to others, admitting that it is wrong, admitting to himself that he needs help, or not knowing where to turn when he finally musters the courage to begin the difficult journey of breaking free.
A man addicted to pornography is not alone. Men throughout the world, from every culture, walk of life and position in society share this addiction. Many of them want to be free of it. Yet many sadly plod on, falsely believing they are alone (or too weak).
A man addicted to pornography should (and for his own sake must) realize that it is possible to place himself on a path toward freedom and self-respect, and a life in which his mind and conscience are free again…a life that allows him to love and receive love in a way that pornography will never offer. The same goes for those who create and distribute pornographic content.
There are others who want to help, not condemn, simply help. Many are well qualified as they too have passed through this soul-sucking quagmire. Their desire is genuine: to give support, and see those who are hurting placed on the path toward healing.
It is possible.
For Men looking for a way out
ProvenMen.org – Christian group that offers support and focus on the root causes.
Through the Flame – Support for those who are struggling to overcome pornography addiction, and the family and friends who care for them – with an emphasis on being non-religious.
XXX Church – A Christian Group dedicated to tackling pornography head on. The video section of the website features testimonies from recovering addicts, and former producers and workers within the industry.
No Porn Pledge – Breaking the cultural myth that ‘Everyone consumes pornography’
For others affected by Pornography addiction, or those currently in the industry
RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) – RAINN is the Nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, offering immediate support, online, over the phone (800-656-4673) with access to local or international counseling centers.
New Life Partners – An online Christian support group for the wives of sexual addicts.
Partners for Purity – A Christian support forum geared toward female partners of sexual addicts.
Shelly Lubben – Online support for victims of abuse and those in the sex industry.
One Way Out – Looking for a way out of the porn industry? This support group is here to help.
Light Dancers – Exotic dancers play a pivotal role in the cycle of pornography. If you are a dancer Light Dancers has something to tell you…other than simply condemning your lifestyle.
Victims of Pornography – Stories from fellow victims.
Pure Intimacy – Christian counseling from Focus on the Family.
Beauty From Ashes – Think no one has been where you are? The women behind this organization have been there and seen it all. And they want to help you achieve the ‘impossible.’ This site also features resources for those caught up in the industry.
Against Pornography – Non-religious information from the National Feminist Anti-Pornography Movement.
Journey to Healing & Joy – Support for wives of sex addicts.
Enough is Enough – An organization dedicated to ‘Making the Internet Safer for Children and Families’
CP80 – Internet activism and legislative efforts.
The CyberTipline for Missing and Exploited Children has an online web form for reporting an abuse or abusive conditions.